8 Ways to Practice Self-Compassion and to Increase Your Happiness

Can you believe it has been two years already since they declared the pandemic?
It’s been a while and I’ve got some good news for you…
You have survived 100% of the hardest days and you will continue to do so!

But that doesn’t mean that it was always easy, does it?
Uncertainty is a biggie, there is the overwhelm, the restrictions…

Remember yourself that you have made it this far and you most definitely have got what it takes to keep going!
So I think you deserve some credit for that! And it’s not about me giving you the credits, it’s about YOU giving YOURSELF the credits. One super effective way to do so is by showing yourself self-compassion.

Practicing self-compassion

Self-compassion is accepting who you are without judgment. It’s about being kind to yourself in good times and bad, when you are being your awesome self and when you make mistakes.

When you have self-compassion, you understand that your worth is unconditional. No matter the circumstances.

Self-compassion is about accepting yourself, and seeing yourself as you are, it allows you to see yourself clearly.
When you practice self-compassion you see all your strengths & your weaknesses and you are embracing yourself exactly as you are.

Now when I say self-compassion, I don’t mean self-pity. Self-compassion involves acknowledging your hurt and mistakes and responding with kindness, caring, and understanding. Free of judgment as you would treat a friend.

The Three Main Elements

Self-compassion guru, Kristin Neff defined self-compassion as being composed of three main elements

1. self-kindness
2. common humanity
3. mindfulness.

Self-kindness

Is about being supportive and understanding towards yourself when we are having a hard time, rather than being harshly self-critical.
It’s okay to acknowledge that you are having a hard time.
Becoming aware of your negative self-talk is important, so you can replace the inner critic with a kinder, gentler voice.

Common humanity

Is about remembering that everyone makes mistakes and experiences difficult times. You are not alone!
You acknowledge that suffering and making mistakes are part of the universal experience of just being human.

Mindfulness

Is about recognizing when you are stressed or struggling without being judgmental or over-reacting. It’s all about noticing and observing.
Observe your negative emotions, just notice them without judgment.
Practicing self-compassion is about finding a healthy balance between self-acceptance and working on self-improvement.
Instead of criticizing yourself for making a mistake, you adopt a kind, but realistic view of your experience.

And this is just one of the benefits of practicing self-compassion!

Benefits of Practicing Self-Compassion

Looking for more good reasons to practice Self-compassion?
Well here they come! The 3 biggest reasons are…

People who are self-compassionate are… HAPPIER

Isn’t that why we are here? Aren’t we all looking for that bit of extra happiness in our lives?
Well, practicing self-compassion leads to more happiness, optimism, gratitude, and better relationships with others.

But in case you aren’t convinced yet, there’s more!

People who are self-compassionate are… LESS STRESSED

Self-compassion is a powerful antidote to self-criticism and perfectionistic thinking that can lead to stress, anxiety, and depression.

People who are self-compassionate are… MORE RESILIENT

They bounce back more easily from setbacks and are more likely to learn from their mistakes.

But besides these 3 biggies, self-compassion also increases motivation, improves body image, enhances self-worth, and reduces mental health problems.

So if there are so many benefits, why isn’t everyone practicing it? What makes self-compassion difficult?

What Makes Practicing Self-Compassion Difficult?

“Self-Compassion sounds like a good thing until we practice applying it.”

Deirdre Fay said that people are hesitant or resistant to self-compassion because we’re afraid of two things.
One, it won’t work or make a difference, so why even bother?
Two, we’re often afraid of becoming more vulnerable, that self-compassion will cause us to feel the suffering even more. Protecting ourselves from self-compassion is often yet another way we try to buffer ourselves from pain.

And in my opinion, a third one is that we aren’t wired to be self-compassionate.
If you grew up hearing you have to man up and don’t cry over things or make “such a big deal” out of things, and you’re always pushed to do better, you’re not used to acknowledging your feelings and going easy on yourself. In that case, we aren’t used to reassurance and compassion.

But… that you might not be wired to show yourself self-compassion, doesn’t mean that you can’t learn it!
There are so many good exercises out there that you can do to practice self-compassion!

Self-compassion is a skill that can be learned by working with a therapist but also on your own. And just as with the tools to increase your happiness, the best thing is, they are FREE!

Practicing Self-Compassion

Practicing Self-Compassion can be as easy or as difficult as you want it to be.
Sometimes it’s also more about becoming aware of something than actually doing something.
Here are some simple examples of how to practice it.

Consider how you would treat a friend

When you are having a hard time, think about how you would talk to a friend.
Would you talk the same way to your friend as you do to yourself if he or she would be in the same situation that you are in? Would you treat your friend the same? Often the answer is no.

➡️ We don’t criticize others the way we do ourselves.
➡️ We don’t speak to others the way we do to ourselves.
➡️ We don’t treat others the way we do ourselves.

I say it’s time to change that!

The next time you’re having a hard time or a stressful moment…

• listen to your thoughts & your feelings
• ask yourself what you would say to a friend that would be in the same position you are in
• ask yourself what you would do for your friend
• now take a moment to say those beautiful and kind words to yourself
• treat yourself the same way you would your friend and then add some extra kindness

Simply because you are so worthy & deserving of receiving it and loving yourself unconditionally!

Become aware of your self-talk

How do you talk to yourself when something happens? When times are hard or when you make a mistake? Do you go easy on yourself or do you criticize and judge yourself harshly?
There is a big chance that you are and you might not even realize it. Try to pay attention to the words you use to speak to yourself. Would you talk to someone you cared about the way you are talking to yourself? Are the things that you are thinking and saying really true?

Say compassionate affirmations

Have a few affirmations ready for when you catch yourself judging or criticizing yourself. It’s very powerful to counter negative thoughts with compassionate or positive affirmations.
Some I really like are

• I love myself, I appreciate myself and accept myself exactly as I am.
• I take care of myself in small ways.
• I have strengths & weaknesses and that’s okay.

Practice guided meditation

Kristin Neff mentions that, over time, meditation can retrain and rewire the brain and make it so that self-compassion and self-soothing become more natural.

You can find several self-compassion meditations for free online. Now I’m not a self-compassion mediation guide but it is easy to see the value when it comes to taking a moment to focus on your breathing, taking a moment for your thoughts. Simply to just stop for a moment and to reflect on how life is going. It’s so powerful and necessary.

Write yourself a love letter

I know it sounds a bit weird, and it doesn’t have to be a lovey-dovey letter. It can just be a kind, a supportive, encouraging letter like you would write to a friend.

First, identify something about yourself that makes you feel ashamed, insecure, or not good enough. It could be something related to your personality, behavior, abilities, relationships, or any other part of your life.

Then, after you identified something, write it down and describe how it makes you feel. Sad? Embarrassed? Angry? Try to be as honest as possible, keeping in mind that no one but you will see what you write.

The next step is to write a letter to yourself expressing compassion, understanding, and acceptance for the part of yourself that you dislike.

Comfort yourself with a physical gesture

In case your love language is Physical Touch, you might already be familiar with it but kind physical gestures can have an immediate calming effect on your body.  Giving yourself a hug or simply holding your own hand can not only calm you but also bring you into the present moment and get you out of your head.

• One hand on your cheek
• Cradling your face in your hands
• Gently stroking your arms
• Cupping one hand in the other in your lap

Hopefully, you’ll start to develop the habit of physically comforting yourself when needed, taking full advantage of this simple way to be kind to yourself.

Keep a (Self-Compassion) Journal

Keeping a journal in which you process difficult events of your day through a lens of self-compassion can improve both your mental and physical well-being.

A way to practice self-compassion through journalling is with the following prompts

• Thank you for resting when…
• Thank you for adapting when…
• Thank you for being strong when…
• Thank you for embracing uncertainty when…

Thank yourself for showing up even when times get hard!

Remember that you’re not alone

And last but not least, remember that you are not alone! Know that to feel is to be human, and that whatever you are going through is also being experienced by millions of others. The moment you realize we are all in this together, you can begin to feel more connected to others, with a sense that we’re all in this together.

You Kept Going

When things change as they did in the past year, it’s human to go in survival mode where you have to keep going and have to be strong because simply, you have to survive.

You still need to work, because you need to provide.
You still need to care for your loved ones, because they need to feel safe.
You kept doing all the things you did before the pandemic, only a lot of stress and pressure, and uncertainty was added into the mix.

And you did awesomely, but now it’s time to take a step back, reflect and thank yourself for being so awesome and resilient.

I hope this was helpful!

Know that we talk about ways to increase our happiness in my Facebook community all the time.

Join us if you would like to meet like-minded women who already enjoying their wonderful journey.

In case you would like to read more tips on how to increase your happiness, check out my article 7 Valuable Steps to Boost Your Happiness as well!

Wishing you all a very happy day,